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My Military Related Script

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My Military Related Script

Post by CovertGunman on Mon Jan 11, 2010 11:13 pm

Hey guys, you may or may not have seen the tweet that I made earlier about me writing a script for a movie.

The script tells the story about a soldier, named John, who has a daughter who is sick in the hospital. He doesn't have the money to pay for the expensive operation that will save her life so he recruits his fellow soldiers, and they plan to rob the bank. But something goes horribly wrong and they have to figure a way out of it.

If you'd like to read the first 9 pages of the script, you can download it here: Script.pdf

If the above link doesn't work than you can please tell me so that I can provide you guys with another download for it.


Script.pdf

Ok, that link should work. But to be able to access it you're going to need an extracting program that will open .zip files. I suggest using WinRAR.

I'd really appreciate if you guys could give me some feedback so that maybe I can improve it in anyway. Thanks.


Last edited by CovertGunman on Tue Jan 12, 2010 12:14 am; edited 1 time in total
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Re: My Military Related Script

Post by MajorRod on Tue Jan 12, 2010 12:02 am

The link doesn't work...
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Re: My Military Related Script

Post by CovertGunman on Tue Jan 12, 2010 12:15 am

Alrighty, edited to include another link to download it. Hopefully this one will work better for you. Very Happy
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Re: My Military Related Script

Post by MajorRod on Tue Jan 12, 2010 12:34 am

Okay... first page.

Lanaya is too soft hearted. Soldiers are not soft hearted. I would suggest knocking some soldier into her. Oorah?
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Re: My Military Related Script

Post by CovertGunman on Tue Jan 12, 2010 1:03 am

Lanaya is meant to be that way. It wasn't exactly expressed but she's more of a medic than a foot soldier. More of her character is to be built later and you'll be able to see most of her tougher side. It just so happened to be that at that time she was more worried about the condition the dying people were in rather than killing their murderers.

And any suggestions as to what exactly would make her more soldier-like?
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Re: My Military Related Script

Post by MajorRod on Tue Jan 12, 2010 1:25 am

No emotions... IDK.
But it looks great so far...
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Re: My Military Related Script

Post by o Taffy Apple x on Tue Jan 12, 2010 11:28 am

MajorRod wrote:No emotions... IDK.
But it looks great so far...


You dnt know much then buddy, Soldiers are some of the most emotional men you will cross. Thats what makes us who we are. Our emotions.
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Re: My Military Related Script

Post by CovertGunman on Tue Jan 12, 2010 2:20 pm

Ok then Taffy, do you feel that I did an ok job of recreating their emotions? I'm guessing the most person in question would be Lanaya.
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Re: My Military Related Script

Post by MajorRod on Tue Jan 12, 2010 2:50 pm

o Taffy Apple x wrote:
MajorRod wrote:No emotions... IDK.
But it looks great so far...


You dnt know much then buddy, Soldiers are some of the most emotional men you will cross. Thats what makes us who we are. Our emotions.
I do know what I am talking about. Soldiers don't show emotion while in battle... it distracts them, we are taught not to show emotions. But I do know that soldiers come out of battle with stress disorders, etc. But I do know that Lanaya shows too much emotion during battle.
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Re: My Military Related Script

Post by immerume2 on Tue Jan 12, 2010 3:05 pm

Major,
ROTC is not the army... You are not a soldier. You get into an argument with folks that are in the actual military every day or every other day about things that you "Know". When really how could you. Please refrain from arguing with folks that are actually serving in the military.

If ROTC taught you anything I would hope it might be that you don't know everything about the military.

I don't claim to know which of you is correct on any of the arguments but really none of them are necessary.

Anything that you say is your opinion and you can't speak for the entire military or all soldiers because you are an ROTC member.
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Re: My Military Related Script

Post by MajorRod on Tue Jan 12, 2010 3:19 pm

immerume2 wrote:Major,
ROTC is not the army... You are not a soldier. You get into an argument with folks that are in the actual military every day or every other day about things that you "Know". When really how could you. Please refrain from arguing with folks that are actually serving in the military.

If ROTC taught you anything I would hope it might be that you don't know everything about the military.

I don't claim to know which of you is correct on any of the arguments but really none of them are necessary.

Anything that you say is your opinion and you can't speak for the entire military or all soldiers because you are an ROTC member.

Jesus... I feel like ROTC is almost controversial on my part. During ROTC we go through Leadership Combat Courses every summer (I've been through 2). Yes your right, I am not an Officer in the USMC, yet. Give me 2 years. But I've gone through enough training to analyse how to act in a high stress environment. And showing emotion over killing would be a no-no. This is is not my script, it is CovertGunman's, so I was just presenting my opinion?

Soldier?
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Re: My Military Related Script

Post by HouseMDfan on Tue Jan 12, 2010 5:48 pm

Dude... ROTC does not make you knowledgeable with the military at all.

I have met a bunch of men who are very emotional, especially in battle. Their anger, their fear, their sadness. True, leaders should not show fear when about to lead a person into battle... but really to say soldiers should be emotionless? Wrong, wrong, wrong.

My God... if my friends Joe Galloway and General Hal Moore (Ret) could read what you're saying about soldiers...

To not feel emotion when taking a life makes you a monster. Plain and simple. No soldier I have met is a monster.
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Re: My Military Related Script

Post by MajorRod on Tue Jan 12, 2010 6:12 pm

HouseMDfan wrote:Dude... ROTC does not make you knowledgeable with the military at all.

I have met a bunch of men who are very emotional, especially in battle. Their anger, their fear, their sadness. True, leaders should not show fear when about to lead a person into battle... but really to say soldiers should be emotionless? Wrong, wrong, wrong.

My God... if my friends Joe Galloway and General Hal Moore (Ret) could read what you're saying about soldiers...

To not feel emotion when taking a life makes you a monster. Plain and simple. No soldier I have met is a monster.
Did you say you were in ROTC before? I think you did. If you were, then you would know that every summer you have a Leadership / Combat Training (Not exactly what it is called). There you learn how to deal with high stressed environments and how to work as a Team.

But my knowledge of the Military is from pure studies in Military Science and by asking questions to Friends and Family who were in the Armed forces.

And your comment about my comments on soldiers has been taken out of context. If I didn't make myself clear earlier, then let me do it now. Soldiers are trained to make the transition between Citizen and Soldier. During this process they learn to control their emotions and not to show emotion while on the battlefield. Thus you wouldn't see a Marine Crying right on the spot because they were just in a firefight and the Marine just killed a few insurgents. But you might see that Marine yelling, "Oorah!" because that was another kill to keep America and it's Allies free from Terror. Emotions need to be controlled and that is why Lanaya was told to get ahold of herself. It is a War that is being fought in that script, no need for crying and pity.
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Re: My Military Related Script

Post by HouseMDfan on Tue Jan 12, 2010 6:17 pm

I never took the Leadership course. I wasn't allowed because I'm handicapped. Thanks for reminding me I will never be allowed to fight for my country and therefore have to resolve myself to supporting the troops the best I can.

As for the script, I shall give it a thorough read this weekend when I'm done with my homework. Wink
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Re: My Military Related Script

Post by o Taffy Apple x on Tue Jan 12, 2010 6:24 pm

Rod,

Let me tell you something, As a soldier with tours of kosovo,Iraq and Afganistan behind me i can tell you NO AMOUNT of poxy lil trianing camps will prepare you for what you will come across. Children strapped to the nines, woman with weapons all wanting you dead, And you sit behind your screen telling people that soldiers dnt show emotions whilst in battle??/
Utter bull its our emotions that get us through situations like that. I KNOW ive seen it,ive been there and lil BOYS like you think you know what your onabout cos you read the lil text books they give you. Let me tell you about officers, NO ONE LIKES THEM especially infantry/royal armoured corp soldiers, we earn our stripes in the field of battle not in some college. WELL DONE YOU.
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Re: My Military Related Script

Post by MajorRod on Tue Jan 12, 2010 6:49 pm

o Taffy Apple x wrote:Rod,

Let me tell you something, As a soldier with tours of kosovo,Iraq and Afganistan behind me i can tell you NO AMOUNT of poxy lil trianing camps will prepare you for what you will come across. Children strapped to the nines, woman with weapons all wanting you dead, And you sit behind your screen telling people that soldiers dnt show emotions whilst in battle??/
Utter bull its our emotions that get us through situations like that. I KNOW ive seen it,ive been there and lil BOYS like you think you know what your onabout cos you read the lil text books they give you. Let me tell you about officers, NO ONE LIKES THEM especially infantry/royal armoured corp soldiers, we earn our stripes in the field of battle not in some college. WELL DONE YOU.
Meh... you calling me a pencil pusher? Well, I'm defiantly not going to one of those. Demolition Engineer or Infantry Officer. We all earn our rank, and the NCO "We work for a living" little saying, is complete bullshit.
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Re: My Military Related Script

Post by HouseMDfan on Tue Jan 12, 2010 8:24 pm

Officers are chickenshits, no two ways about it. Yes, there are some good officers out there, but there are others that make a bad name for all officers.
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Re: My Military Related Script

Post by o Taffy Apple x on Wed Jan 13, 2010 1:06 pm

The only officer worth anything is the officer that starts from the bottom. Not some pncy college class.
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Re: My Military Related Script

Post by MajorRod on Wed Jan 13, 2010 1:57 pm

o Taffy Apple x wrote:The only officer worth anything is the officer that starts from the bottom. Not some pncy college class.
It is not only college classes that get your commissioning via ROTC. You also have to go through something a little like Basic training. There is a requirement to have a College Degree to earn your Commissioning, without that college degree, you cannot earn your commissioning. So either way, if you enlist as a NCO and then want to become an officer, you still have to go earn a college degree. I do not know why you have such a pissy mood about Officers, but you need to stop arguing about this.
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Re: My Military Related Script

Post by o Taffy Apple x on Wed Jan 13, 2010 3:25 pm

I dnt like officers because ive SERVED and seen how they are. The only time they get combat ready is on field exercise.
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Re: My Military Related Script

Post by MajorRod on Wed Jan 13, 2010 3:29 pm

o Taffy Apple x wrote:I dnt like officers because ive SERVED and seen how they are. The only time they get combat ready is on field exercise.
Granted you've served, and really did not need to CAP IT, you are stereotyping Officers, and your stereotyping Officers in a country you have never served for. Please come back and insult the Officers in my Armed Forces, when you have served in the US Armed Forces.
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Re: My Military Related Script

Post by HouseMDfan on Wed Jan 13, 2010 4:03 pm

o Taffy Apple x wrote:The only officer worth anything is the officer that starts from the bottom. Not some pncy college class.

My dad was never an NCO, but every guy who has served under him has liked him even the NCOs. He was commissioned after completing ROTC. He has briefed a good number of generals in his time, and retired a couple years back and now teachers at Ft. Gordon. His students are young lieutenants and such.

My dad has never been in combat, but I like to think he was worth his salt. Air Force Major retired.

But, we can sit here and bicker all day about officers vs. enlisted until we're blue in the face and get no where.
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Re: My Military Related Script

Post by MajorRod on Wed Jan 13, 2010 4:33 pm

HouseMDfan wrote:
o Taffy Apple x wrote:The only officer worth anything is the officer that starts from the bottom. Not some pncy college class.

My dad was never an NCO, but every guy who has served under him has liked him even the NCOs. He was commissioned after completing ROTC. He has briefed a good number of generals in his time, and retired a couple years back and now teachers at Ft. Gordon. His students are young lieutenants and such.

My dad has never been in combat, but I like to think he was worth his salt. Air Force Major retired.

But, we can sit here and bicker all day about officers vs. enlisted until we're blue in the face and get no where.
I agree. And we have completely Hijacked the poor chaps thread. Let try to get back on topic.
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Re: My Military Related Script

Post by bowski477 on Wed Jan 13, 2010 4:40 pm

Agreed. Please stay on the topic of discussing and giving feedback to covert on his script.

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Re: My Military Related Script

Post by MajorRod on Wed Jan 13, 2010 4:43 pm

I have not been able to give a full look at the Script, but what I have read so far, is beyond great. Like said earlier in my controversial post, Lanaya is showing too much emotion in the beginning, but I am just giving you my opinion. Everything else so far look great.
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Re: My Military Related Script

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